Peanuts: now with 100% more shit

Is this an original Schulz?

My grandmother, whom this cartoon strip belongs to, believes it is. My only problems with that thought are the vulgarity of the language used and the apparent levitation abilities depicted. But hey, I could be wrong. Alls I know is, it looks like it's going to be a Peanuts XXXmas.

I was a Crazy Horse for one night

I recently had the opportunity to do something I never thought I’d have, and I almost didn’t, because I forgot about it.

My partner in crime, mother, came home to ask when we were leaving. “Leaving for what?” I retorted. “Uhh, the Neil Young concert.” “Holy shit!” I exclaimed. No, she wasn’t speaking in some kind of code about smoking weed either, she was quite literal. I had somehow forgotten about what would be one of the greatest concerts of my life thus far. Luckily, we had plenty of time to high tail it to Toronto and take our seats at Massey Hall. It felt like I had entered a parallel dimension and that I was experiencing something akin to his 1971 performance, an album released earlier this year. His wife, Pegi Young, opened the show and she was quite stunning. I thought it was touching that they would tour together and play their own songs. I also thought it was touching that as soon as Neil hit the stage all of the oldsters in the audience began acting like wide-eyed teenagers, while the younger generation in the crowd appeared more reserved. Grown men would proclaim, “I love you Neil,” and doting ladies would offer, “I’ll be your maid.” This, of course, occurred during his first set, a solo acoustic performance of big hits and rare gems. That didn’t get in the way though, and he played it up and rocked like it wasn’t only him up there. Then for the second set, he continued playing his selection of songs, only this time he WAS being backed up by a full band. Oh my dear lord, could it get any better? Well it did, as he encored with ‘Cinnamon Girl’ and ‘Like a Hurricane.’ I left feeling complete, and my mother, well she has newfound appreciation for the man, the legend, Neil Young. What a day to remember.

Girls Gone Humourless?

So I was talking to this fellow on the internet today, which I must say is the best and only form of communication in my mind. Anyway, he said something truly brilliant to me, something so profound that I could only hope to paraphrase it here for you know. You must forgive me, for his Socratic insight, his Oscar Wilde-like wit, and his Shakespearian characterization was mostly lost on me. He said, “Only guys are funny, chicks are so not funny. We only say they are to get laid.” I was left reeling at his statement, probably just like you right now as you read this. In fact, you’re probably rubbing your eyes and making a ‘squeaky squeaky’ noise too. Its ok, I know. It’s like he said what all of our penises were thinking. I could not agree more with him. I mean, if I had a nickel for every un-funny woman I saw, well, I’d be rich getting more money doing the same thing as compared to my female counterpart. And that’s another thing, I’m sure that these female comedians who are lucky enough to be seen and heard have it written into their contacts somewhere that they are required to blow whomever suggested they were funny. That’s how it works, right? It’s not because they were genuinely funny people and deserved to be recognized. Or that we live in a male-centric society, and other women aren’t even given a chance simply based on their gender. No way, that’s silly. And, oh my gosh, the last part. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve told a lady she’s funny when she’s obviously not, simply so I could fuck her. The reason I can’t tell you is because it’s NEVER happened, and that is because women ARE actually FUNNY. They are smarter, funnier and work harder than many male comedians. The reason this guy, and many others just like him, don’t realize it is simply because they are ignorant. By the way, just in case you were wondering, this is what he looks like:

Yea, his name’s Crazy Mike, because he’s Mike and he’s crazy. And if you need proof of his mental state, then let me tell you that he wanted to join the army after watching Team America: World Police. That was a lot to take in, but thank you for reading. And if you’re a woman, please ask a man to tell you what the funny parts were (if there were any).

Everyone's a V.I.P. to Someone

What an incredible band the Go! Team are. They're quite adept at making you feel more alive. Their walls of sound will tingle your eardrums, their beats will make you want to dance and clap all through the night, and their choruses will cause you to sing along until your voice is hoarse. All of these things happened to myself last night when I went to see them. Armed with a stoney creek stunnah I made my way to the Phoenix in Toronto. I actually almost missed out because I incorrectly thought you could smoke outside, in front of the club. I was informed that an area at the back was designated for such activities, but upon my re-entry I was hassled by the ticket-taker. Luckily, common sense and reason prevailed and I was able to enjoy one hell of a great show. They all have such an exuberance for music that is easily visible, and it's very contagious. The crowd was definitely feeling it, and it was made all the more special as this was the final date of their North American tour. Ninja, the group's rapper/vocalist, has an undeniable stage presence. She's an amazing lyricist, first and foremost, but her dancing, humour, and ability to keep the energy flowing is something to behold. The entire team came in first place last night, and I would highly recommend that you check them out sometime.

Sidenote: the smoking area at the back of the club, outside, feels like you've been drawn into an Adrian Tomine graphic novel. For real.