The Rodney Kings of Comedy

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....

Actually, it's more like, last month in the city of Ann Arbor, Michigan. What was I doing there? Well hold on, give me a second, sheesh. I went to the Blind Pig in order to see the Comedians of Comedy! But weren't there any stops on the tour that were closer than Ann Arbor? Listen buddy, you gotta stop interrupting me. Yes, they were also appearing at Buffalo State college on this tour, but after weeks of trying to find tickets online I gave up and finally called the place. Turns out, the student union or mafia or whatever the hell it was, bought up all of the tickets in advance and were giving them out for free to students. Sweet! Yet another reason to never return there ever again.

Interesting story: The first time, and hopefully now the only time, I went there was to see Zach Galifianakis (a member of the COC). I went there to see him, but I didn't actually. Turns out he was filming a movie, Out Cold 3: Old Man Winter's Revenge I believe, and he couldn't make it. Add to that; the ridiculous amount of armed police, metal detectors, having to remove my belt, having my lighter confiscated, the stone cold stupidity of the students organizing it and just the general cluelessness of the campus, and a 'raper' on the loose. It was a veritable goulash of fuck.

So yea, I was more than willing to go past God's back in the opposite direction to Michigan. I don't think I really need to go into much detail on what a culture shock it is crossing the border these days. But let me just say that going from Windsor to Detroit is like driving through Agrestic into Old Town. Thanks to Google maps, a subsidiary of this blog, I was able to locate the place easily and joined the hundreds of people already lined up. I could overhear people talking about whether or not this was a line of people who had tickets or were waiting to buy them. I thought, good friggin' luck if you're lined up to buy tickets, because I'm pretty sure it's already sold out. Turns out it wasn't exactly, but only like 20 or so people were actually able to buy them at the door, and the rest of the dumb schmucks were turned away. I was really happy to hear there would be 5 comics in the show tonight, but if my ankles had ears they wouldn't feel the same way, as the show was setup like a typical rock show. Also, if my ankles did have ears, I think that would look pretty darn cool. So Patton Oswalt came out first to warm up the crowd, and he got the laughs going fast and furious, like a NOS injected sports car from the movie of the same name. But seriously, he interacts with the crowd really well and most of his jokes came from such interactions; such as the extroverted comic book artist, the non-profit telemarketer, and the beauty salon owner. Doug Benson came up next and his potent one-liners and stoner logic was a big hit with crowd. The BCIM crew feels that Doug calls to mind the late, great Mitch Hedberg, both in material and delivery. It was really nice to see Maria Bamford get such a huge round of applause as she stepped onto the stage. She was arguably the funniest person that night, with her style of crazy yet intelligent humour. Her best routine, in my mind, involved the mockery of cheesy female comics, done in one of her many range of voices. Eugene Mirman followed her and his observations on the general idiocy of the world were a hit. In his laid back/sarcastic approach he discussed a newspaper interview with a reformed crystal meth user. "Two smarties, now who's ready for fart jokes?" Brian Posehn quipped about his position in the lineup for the night. And tell fart jokes he did, in all of his nerd rage. Of course metal fans came out in abundance for him and some even helped him write jokes, "This audience writes jokes for you!" By this time you could tell that the crowd was tiring, but leave it to Patton to keep the funny going. It was cool to see the other COC members watch him and laugh along. That seems to be the M.O. of the group: getting together with like-minded friends and enjoying the different ways in which they like to make people laugh. Thank goodness they came together and hopefully they continue to spread humour across the country. After all was joked and done, they had time for autographs, during which Maria turned out this little gem;

How do you end such an amazing night? I'm glad you waited to ask this time. Well, other than a 6 hour drive home, you get questioned by the border patrol on what on earth you were doing in Ann Arbor for 5+ hours that didn't involve buying anything. So you give him a relatively truthful answer, neglecting to mention the carton of cigarettes you have underneath your passenger seat. And to that he asks, "Were you performing?"

Thank you, goodnight!

Goin' back to Hali

D. Fredrick is going to be leaving us for sunnier pastures in Halifax, Nova Scotia come January. While it's a great opportunity for him to do, uh, whatever it is that he does, we here at BCIM are already counting down the days until his triumphant return to the promise land. Sorry to be so damn melancholy, but we can't help it. In order to pass the time better, we thought it would be fun to have a pool going, guessing when he might go into withdrawl and come back. So if you have a Gmail account, go ahead and click on the calendar below and place your bets. If you don't, then leave us a comment and we'll update it. You can choose 3 different days; either play the odds and space them out, or if you're feeling lucky, pick all of them in a row. The winner will have a poem/song written about them by the man himself. Good luck to both you and, of course, the F-grade.

Peanuts: now with 100% more shit

Is this an original Schulz?

My grandmother, whom this cartoon strip belongs to, believes it is. My only problems with that thought are the vulgarity of the language used and the apparent levitation abilities depicted. But hey, I could be wrong. Alls I know is, it looks like it's going to be a Peanuts XXXmas.

I was a Crazy Horse for one night

I recently had the opportunity to do something I never thought I’d have, and I almost didn’t, because I forgot about it.

My partner in crime, mother, came home to ask when we were leaving. “Leaving for what?” I retorted. “Uhh, the Neil Young concert.” “Holy shit!” I exclaimed. No, she wasn’t speaking in some kind of code about smoking weed either, she was quite literal. I had somehow forgotten about what would be one of the greatest concerts of my life thus far. Luckily, we had plenty of time to high tail it to Toronto and take our seats at Massey Hall. It felt like I had entered a parallel dimension and that I was experiencing something akin to his 1971 performance, an album released earlier this year. His wife, Pegi Young, opened the show and she was quite stunning. I thought it was touching that they would tour together and play their own songs. I also thought it was touching that as soon as Neil hit the stage all of the oldsters in the audience began acting like wide-eyed teenagers, while the younger generation in the crowd appeared more reserved. Grown men would proclaim, “I love you Neil,” and doting ladies would offer, “I’ll be your maid.” This, of course, occurred during his first set, a solo acoustic performance of big hits and rare gems. That didn’t get in the way though, and he played it up and rocked like it wasn’t only him up there. Then for the second set, he continued playing his selection of songs, only this time he WAS being backed up by a full band. Oh my dear lord, could it get any better? Well it did, as he encored with ‘Cinnamon Girl’ and ‘Like a Hurricane.’ I left feeling complete, and my mother, well she has newfound appreciation for the man, the legend, Neil Young. What a day to remember.

Girls Gone Humourless?

So I was talking to this fellow on the internet today, which I must say is the best and only form of communication in my mind. Anyway, he said something truly brilliant to me, something so profound that I could only hope to paraphrase it here for you know. You must forgive me, for his Socratic insight, his Oscar Wilde-like wit, and his Shakespearian characterization was mostly lost on me. He said, “Only guys are funny, chicks are so not funny. We only say they are to get laid.” I was left reeling at his statement, probably just like you right now as you read this. In fact, you’re probably rubbing your eyes and making a ‘squeaky squeaky’ noise too. Its ok, I know. It’s like he said what all of our penises were thinking. I could not agree more with him. I mean, if I had a nickel for every un-funny woman I saw, well, I’d be rich getting more money doing the same thing as compared to my female counterpart. And that’s another thing, I’m sure that these female comedians who are lucky enough to be seen and heard have it written into their contacts somewhere that they are required to blow whomever suggested they were funny. That’s how it works, right? It’s not because they were genuinely funny people and deserved to be recognized. Or that we live in a male-centric society, and other women aren’t even given a chance simply based on their gender. No way, that’s silly. And, oh my gosh, the last part. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve told a lady she’s funny when she’s obviously not, simply so I could fuck her. The reason I can’t tell you is because it’s NEVER happened, and that is because women ARE actually FUNNY. They are smarter, funnier and work harder than many male comedians. The reason this guy, and many others just like him, don’t realize it is simply because they are ignorant. By the way, just in case you were wondering, this is what he looks like:

Yea, his name’s Crazy Mike, because he’s Mike and he’s crazy. And if you need proof of his mental state, then let me tell you that he wanted to join the army after watching Team America: World Police. That was a lot to take in, but thank you for reading. And if you’re a woman, please ask a man to tell you what the funny parts were (if there were any).

Everyone's a V.I.P. to Someone

What an incredible band the Go! Team are. They're quite adept at making you feel more alive. Their walls of sound will tingle your eardrums, their beats will make you want to dance and clap all through the night, and their choruses will cause you to sing along until your voice is hoarse. All of these things happened to myself last night when I went to see them. Armed with a stoney creek stunnah I made my way to the Phoenix in Toronto. I actually almost missed out because I incorrectly thought you could smoke outside, in front of the club. I was informed that an area at the back was designated for such activities, but upon my re-entry I was hassled by the ticket-taker. Luckily, common sense and reason prevailed and I was able to enjoy one hell of a great show. They all have such an exuberance for music that is easily visible, and it's very contagious. The crowd was definitely feeling it, and it was made all the more special as this was the final date of their North American tour. Ninja, the group's rapper/vocalist, has an undeniable stage presence. She's an amazing lyricist, first and foremost, but her dancing, humour, and ability to keep the energy flowing is something to behold. The entire team came in first place last night, and I would highly recommend that you check them out sometime.

Sidenote: the smoking area at the back of the club, outside, feels like you've been drawn into an Adrian Tomine graphic novel. For real.

If this blog were a baby,

it wouldn't just be covered in money, it would BE money...
and it's first words would be "a bay a bay."